Me Time as a Mummy
I am, and have always been, a prolific list writer. In an
attempt to organise my thoughts, I write lists. I have been known to even write
a list of different lists I need to make…. Pure list making madness. My day used
to start with consultation of the list, adding things to it, and ended with the
elation of crossing items off of the list.
Before I became ‘Mummy’ my job lent itself to extensive list
making. My days were full of lists and in any one day I could complete in
excess of 50 tasks. Mind blown. The new me has little comprehension of how this
was ever possible. Since becoming ‘Mummy’ I have written barely any lists,
until recently. I think I was too overwhelmed, and there was too much to fit on
a list…It may have taken me a year to write, and I would never have been able
to make a dent.
Luckily for me (and my husband J ) I have returned to my
former list-making self. Phew. But, I have had to find a way to make peace with
the fact that it is now impossible to tick too many tasks off of my ‘list’ in
one day, in fact some days I am not even going to reach double figures, or even
close. But that is absolutely fine… I just need to relax and shift my focus. It
is not longer about getting things done, but needs to focus more on taking care
of myself.
But I have never been particularly good at ‘relaxing’ or
putting myself ‘first’. It’s hard as a Mum; you often put everyone else’s needs
before your own as a force of habit. I used to wonder what people actually
meant by ‘relaxing’, what did it feel like? How did you achieve it?
As a new Mum, I have found it more and more important
actually take time to figure it out. It has been more necessary than ever to
find a way to relax, to find some ‘me’ time. So I am adding ideas to my daily ‘list’,
to try and make sure that I fit them in to my day, and can feel I have achieved
something just for ‘me’. When I do my ticking off at the end of the day, I can
be sure that I have managed it. It has only been a recent realisation that this
is incredibly necessary, but I am still finding it hard to ensure it happen.
I don’t necessarily mean grand spa days, weekends away with the
girls, epic shopping days; it can often take a while to organise and
co-ordinate these days, who is free when, the child care (sometimes for
multiple little ones), money, time…. I have just managed to have a spa day with
a friend which I am pretty sure we have been trying to arrange since 2012…
Those kind of days are for the most special of occasions and can’t happen on a
weekly basis (unfortunately!) but are still extremely necessary.
I am talking about me time, whilst mummying. Me time during
the day, or evening, during the week when you are working your hardest to look
after your little people. How can you find it? When can you grab those minutes?
And what difference will it truly make?
Switch off
Turn off your phone, your ipad, your computer, your
television and unplug yourself. For an hour, an afternoon, a whole day,
whatever you can manage. Really focus on what you are doing, forget social
media, forget about where everyone else is, what they are doing. It’s truly
liberating and can save you an incredible number of minutes each day. It gives
you an opportunity to clear your head and focus on what is right in front of
you. Although often a welcome distraction, there are far too many of us who are
guilty of placing a barrier between us and the world around us by staring at a
screen.
Have a bath
A proper bath.
Candles, essential oils, music, plenty of bubble bath, a
fluffy towel, face mask, the door shut (locked if possible) and spend as much
time in there as you can. Sometimes seemingly impossible, but try and find a
way to make it work.
Read a book
Unless I am on holiday, I often find it really hard to let
myself get lost in a book. I have been known to start a book multiple times
before giving up totally but I would love to be the sort of person who could
just read and read and read. To be honest, it is usually because I can’t keep
my eyes open long enough, sleep is more inviting that reading. But, if I find
the right book, I can get lost, I can get into it and I love it. Recently that
happened and I read a book it 3 days! It made me sit down during nap time, stay
in bed if Boo slept in later than me rather than rushing to make the bed and
get ready in the small window of time she was offering, and it was wonderful. I
am hoping to find another good book soon…
Bake a cake
It doesn’t have to be a cake, and you don’t have to do it on
your own, but I find baking quite therapeutic. Try something new, bake for
friends, bake with friends, and if you really don’t want to bake a cake… just
buy one!
Exercise
Even if it is just a walk to the shop (if there is one
nearby) to buy cake…. J
It doesn’t have to be entering a marathon, or starting something
mega, but get moving. Although I often wish the exercise I undertook caused
more effective weight loss than it actually is, I do recognise that it is one
of the only ways I actually switch off. Whether for the social side, a hard
core work out, or just getting out the house on your own, try and find
something you can enjoy. Swimming, Body Jam and Zumba are my saviours, nothing
intense about those!
Sit down
I am terrible at it. Sitting down for a period of time and
just resting. I am getting better at this, mainly due to a prolonged series of
winter viral infections which have taken there hold and my body has finally
insisted that Boo’s nap times should be Mummy’s rest time, no washing and
cleaning time. My head and heart still battle this one quite often, but
sometimes I do just have to stop and let myself be at rest (or nap, but I am
not a good napper… I wish I was and I am jealous of all of those of you who
are!!)
Drink tea and eat cake
No, I don’t mean get halfway through making a cup of tea and
find it later stewing with the tea bag still in, or finish making one and find
it on a shelf three days later after moving it out of the way of your newly
mobile little one. I mean make a cup of tea, sit down with it while it is hot,
and focus on drinking it. We have used more teabags in the last 10 months than
ever before, but I have probably only finished a third of the cups of tea I
have made. Give yourself time for a treat. Drink hot tea (or coffee, we don’t
do coffee in this house…. Although I am thinking of converting…)
Treat yourself
Something edible, sweet, savoury, whatever it might be. Not
every day, maybe just once a week, but treat yourself. Sit down, on your own
and enjoy your treat in peace. You are working hard, you have earned it, don’t
feel guilty!
Breathe
Incredibly underrated, taking time to breathe can really
help you cope with the day. When you are fully awake, start the day with a few
deep breaths. When you pull up in the car and your little person is sleeping,
take a few more. Slow down, don’t rush. If possible, spend two minutes at a
time just focusing on your breathing before you move on with the day.
Our little ones don’t make it easy for us though and all
best laid plans can sail out of the window. The days when there are no naps,
the days which are simply too busy to take precious minutes out, the days when
it is all just to overwhelming and you cant possibly work out what is going to
actually make you feel better, so why bother?
Who knows, it might not work for everyone, but I have found
just a couple of minutes here or there during the day focusing on ‘me’ have
made a difference. Not an incredibly ground breaking difference, but a
difference, and I will work harder to find more minutes and slow down a bit.
