Life changing. Everyone says having a baby is life changing, and my response when pregnant was 'I hope so, otherwise why are we doing this?'. I knew my life would be different, perhaps unrecognisable, but I was ready, totally ready. But did I really know how many aspects of life would change? Can we ever be truly 'ready'... I don't think so!
Since becoming a mother 7 months ago a lot of life has changed, not only practically but emotionally, physically, mentally and I'm learning and coping with so many new things each day.
I've always been one for writing down my thoughts, writing letters (sometimes never posting them) making endless lists or writing a stream of consciousness to try and de-clutter my mind and I have often found true therapy in writing. I find myself at a point in life where I feel turning to writing may just provide some of the necessary self help I find I am in need of...
On my journey as a new mother I have turned to many parenting blogs for advice, guidance, desperately trying to seek out others who are feeling the same as me in an attempt to reassure myself that I'm doing a good job or the right thing and that whatever I might be going through, someone else is too. I've taken great comfort in articles about breastfeeding vs formula feeding, weaning, sleeping through the night, sleep deprivation, and I've also discovered how lucky I am that there are certain things I have managed to avoid with baby number one... So far.
I've also noted that the support that can be offered new mothers by their new 'mummy friends' all of whom are, at some point, desperately seeking light at the end of the tunnel. The quick bond of pregnant ladies or mothers with newborns is totally different to other friendship you have nurtured over the years. Seeking out your support network is a quick job which you may have to work harder at than you might feel you want to. But it's and an important one. You're learning so much at a time when your brain seems such a mess, but you have no choice, you have to (and will) figure everything out and you need these new friends; friends who are going through it all at the same time as you. All of these experiences define each individual journey, and you can't do it totally alone.
I have learnt that every new mothers journey is incredibly different, the smiling faces and cutely dressed babies you might see at the local 'mother and baby' group for an hour, who you instantly identify as being more 'together' than you've felt at any point is not a real representation of their new life. Neither are the social media pages, adorned with stunning pictures of darling little ones looking happy all the time, creatively thought through, perfectly captured, edited and presented (in a way which makes you SO annoyed you didn't think of that idea first) for the world to see how amazingly perfect their life is. I can assure you, that is probably not the case. Social media can be pretty evil, didn't we all have better things to do before it came along and produced anxiety, jealously and sucked so much of our day away?
In my view, being a mother is hard, in so many ways. Yes, the rewards some days are incredible and the moments that make your heart sing are truly magical. But the impact on your life is one you can't predict how you will manage. There is support out there, if you know where to look, but sleep deprived, anxious new mothers don't always have time to look, they need to know where to go quickly to be reassured and to feel human again.
My blog intends to cover some of the experiences I have had so far, from the loneliness to the new found love, the impact on existing relationships to finding new friends, learning a totally new language and surviving as a new mother in the digital age. I don't confess to know anything of great worth, but I'm hoping that in writing it down it will first and foremost help me to deal with this new life we are feeling our way through. My hope is that others will find some comfort and maybe identify with our experiences, and that they may enjoy joining us on our adventures in Winchester.
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